The power of staying positive

If you read the title and you’re anything like me, you probably puked a little in your mouth. I know I did writing it. Now I need a drink. But maybe that’s not how you reacted. Maybe you saw the title and perked up. Or maybe you’re a Ned Flanders acolyte and you’ve always got…

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Lyconic co-founder Aron Filbert with his wife and son. Photo courtesy of Aron Filbert.

If you read the title and you’re anything like me, you probably puked a little in your mouth.

I know I did writing it. Now I need a drink. But maybe that’s not how you reacted. Maybe you saw the title and perked up. Or maybe you’re a Ned Flanders acolyte and you’ve always got that sunny disposition, no matter what the circumstance. If that’s the case. 1. I’m jealous of you. 2. I’m skeptical of you. Nobody can be that happy all the time. Nobody.

But, here’s the thing. Here’s the dirty little secret to the power of positivity:

Secret: Happiness is not a prerequisite for staying positive.

You can feel negative emotions and still remain positive. That’s a critical distinction in a sea of over-optimism, fool-hearty delusion, hubris, and real or perceived naïveté. It’s OK to feel uncertain. It’s OK to feel hopeless. It’s OK to feel fear. It’s OK to be human and experience the sting of defeat or loss. It’s even OK, though not always productive, to worry. It’s natural, it’s human. It’s part of life.

You may try your best to hide these natural responses to the circumstances you find yourself in, but odds are you still feel these emotions—and will again, despite the best-laid plans of the pharmaceutical industry. But the moment that you accept your perceived outcome as fate, that’s when going negative becomes your self-actualized, self-fulfilled prophecy. It’s called fatalism.

The death of a dream

I was caught in that fatalism when I was confronted with the truth of how broken my company’s business plan really was. Lyconic, the company I had spent the better part of a decade on, was coming to an end…or so I thought.

That assumption was compelling me to do all the wrong things. I wanted to withdraw, draw inward and shut out the world, including those that cared the most for me. Why did I respond this way? Failure was a good assumption! From where I sat, I was losing a large percentage of my revenue within an unspecified but short time frame. As an enterprise software vendor, we took on a security franchise company. Through various circumstances, and against better judgement and advice, we agreed to exclusivity. That exclusivity initially rewarded us with some relative stability and a consistent revenue stream. But it soon became the double-edge sword that would threaten our very existence.

Happiness is not a prerequisite for staying positive

So there I was, feeling all threatened and hurt, and scared, and…like a failure. I got depressed. I couldn’t look my spouse in the eye without feeling shame. I couldn’t hug my young son without feeling like I failed him, like I jeopardized the strength of his future development and success. I was having panic attacks and trouble sleeping.

I’d wake up deep in the night with what felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. I was gasping for breath. I felt like I was drowning. I was drowning. That’s human, too. I don’t apologize for feeling that way, or for getting depressed. Nobody should. Only I can understand what it’s like to live in my own shoes. Same goes for anyone else.

A whole world of better and worse contrasts confronted me every day. It presented me the shame of my better circumstances (“How dare I feel sorry for myself when…”) or mocked me with what could be. If I were only…whatever—richer, slimmer, smarter, funnier, more successful. Happier? None of that had any bearing on my struggle within. I couldn’t control the emotional responses that I was having to my new reality. But I could control what I did next.

The birth of hope

That’s where the power of staying positive comes in. It took a few weeks, but I started to gain a different perspective as I worked through my stages of grief. I began to have a little hope and to think about things a little differently. Instead of viewing my misfortune as fatal, I began to think about what my newfound circumstances would allow me to do. I began to look at the hidden opportunity in what seemed like a terrible setback. Doing so allowed me to get to work. The more I got to work on the problem, the better I started to feel. Curious how that works, right?

Here’s another little positivity secret:

Secret: Staying positive grants you the permission to find a solution, to work the problem, to have hope—to rely on faith.

Things went terribly wrong hundreds of thousands of miles from Earth during the Apollo 13 mission, and the kind of setbacks NASA experienced were life-threatening. I’m sure you can imagine the conclusion of that incident, had everyone involved accepted what seemed like an obvious fate. But, they didn’t, and the rest is history and now immortalized by Hollywood.

Working the problem became the thesis behind the wildly successful novel The Martian by Andy Weir, now a hit film by 20th Century Fox. Against all odds, and without hope, the protagonist, Mark Watney, continues to come up with solutions and act with purpose in the most dire of circumstances.

That kind of triumph of the human spirit against adversity is infectious. It’s exactly what I needed to get out of my slump and to accept the fact that there was no way around my problems but through them. Getting to work meant action, but it also meant asking for help.

The pride before

Positivity has a twin virtue: Humility.

Without humility, we can’t admit that we’re in trouble. We can’t admit that we don’t know what to do next. We can’t admit that we need help. Without humility, we don’t take that permission that we give ourselves to find a solution and decisively act on it.

Negativity doesn’t ask, “What next?” It doesn’t seek out the company of those that can help. Negativity loves misery, and misery loves company. But beware the company you keep—especially in times of need. The wrong kind of company can reinforce negativity. Negativity accepts what is, in resignation. It surrenders to fear and self-doubt. It destroys resolve, and saps the confidence and faith needed to move forward toward accomplishment.

Staying positive grants you the permission to find a solution

Pride can be similar. It can blind us to our mistakes, our biases, and our assumptions, and it can prevent us from seeking help when we need it the most. If you’re too cool for school, if you think you don’t need help, that can be just as fatal as negativity. I’ve learned through the years and I’ve learned the hard way (sometimes) that asking for help is the furthest thing from weakness.

Asking for help is not an admission of failure. Sometimes, asking for help is the best thing that anyone can do. That takes strength, it takes intelligence, and it takes an ounce of humility. For me, it took surrounding myself with good company.

The company we keep

I have Shea Degan, my mentor, my business partner, and my friend to thank for a mindset that has become my saving grace. I’m not perfect, and when faced with uncertainty and setbacks, my first instinct is to go negative and shut down. Shea has shown me through thick and thin that it always pays to maintain a positive outlook, and to find the good in any situation.

I also have David Arnold, Straight Shot Managing Director, our investors, our mentors, advisors, and service providers to thank for the opportunity to reinvent Lyconic, and to make a go of it in the broader security industry. In short, I’m thankful to them for the help in making lemonade outta lemons (no, this is not a reference to Beyoncé). I’m thankful to them for betting on me, and for giving me the confidence and the resources I need to forge a new path.

I’m also appreciative of Erica Wassinger and the Omaha Startup Collaborative for putting us up through Straight Shot, and for providing those serendipitous encounters that make all the difference in the world. That connectedness is the lifeblood of entrepreneurial pursuit. When it comes time to ask for help, the Omaha community really steps up.

I also have Katrina to thank for putting up with my absence and for all her incredible support. My son Aiden and Katrina are the two people I care for the most, and they’re the people that I’ve had less time for while I fight for my dream. I realize that I often ask too much of them, and often make it difficult for them to remain positive. These are areas of improvement for me.

Surrounding myself with good people and great support has been a huge benefit as I deal with uncertainty and risk. It’s allowed me to seek after and find help. It’s helped reinforce that all-important positivity and has created a feedback loop that is helping me grow and learn. Most importantly, it’s helped me build structure as I face new challenges and take advantage of new opportunities.

The road ahead

In a way, Lyconic really was coming to an end. But it turns out, that’s OK. Our business model as an enterprise vendor with one exclusive client was not sustainable. We needed to reinvent. We needed to pursue that bigger market opportunity and expand our approach from our heavy product focus to include business development and sales.

But moving forward requires deliberate and thoughtful consideration and a realistic assessment of our challenges.

I began to look at the hidden opportunity in what seemed like a terrible setback

It’s important to note that positivity doesn’t erase uncertainty. There’s a difference between remaining positive, and wishful thinking… or denial. Positivity doesn’t grant permission to lie to yourself. It doesn’t replace or eliminate tough choices. It shouldn’t be used to avoid hard work. It doesn’t bring any guarantees, and it most certainly comes with the requirement that you act. It demands that you seek out and utilize help, wherever you can find it.

Positivity is a mindset. It’s a catalyst that kindles the courage to face the unknown, to take that difficult next step… and the one after that. I’m taking those steps now with Lyconic.

My dream may have died alongside our old business model, but Lyconic found a new beginning. What comes next may not be easy, but through the power of staying positive, with an ounce of humility, and with the right company, we’ll continue to work the problem.

Aron Filbert is co-founder of Lyconic. Father. Recovering perfectionist. Useful idiot. Aspiring greater fool. Nearly a decade of helping security companies succeed through the application of technology.

This story is part of the AIM Archive

This story is part of the AIM Institute Archive on Silicon Prairie News. AIM gifted SPN to the Nebraska Journalism Trust in January 2023. Learn more about SPN’s origin »

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